Monday, December 7, 2009

A Heart Restored to Gratitude

holy experience

I laid still in the dark last night, masked my body in a slumber, so I didn't have to unearth my feelings. Those feelings that often lead to long conversations in whispers, tears and a fountain from my nose that requires inevitable trips to the bathroom to grab enough toilet paper to calm the emotional storm.
I sat down to write out my gratitude last night, and though I have soooo much to write, it was buried under those feelings that troubled me in that cozy bed. I couldn't get them out. I couldn't give thanks. I couldn't worship as I should. And this is not good for the soul, bitterness building hard callouses over a heart that is meant to worship and praise.
So I carefully spoke up in the silence, mindful to lay out my transgressions first so they wouldn't come back to bite me later in the conversation. A lack of joy in serving our family. A lack of respect for my husband who is a noble servant-leader of our family. Ingratitude, which leads to anxiety, not believing in God's faithful provision. And an insane jealousy for my husband's affection, which in my heart of hearts, felt it had been replaced by all sorts of sports. I longed for the attention to which he gave Monday Night Football, College Game Day, Sunday Afternoon Football, Fantasy Football, conversations with friends about Aggie Basketball, and late night texts about the Longhorns preposterous defeat of the Conhuskers.
His apology came quick, clearly saddened that his bride came second to anything but Christ. And the bitterness dissolved, and the worship of God returned to it's right place.
...0051- quiet conversations and mended hearts
...0052- defeating the enemy's lie to bury my feelings and build callouses
...0053- celebrating seven years of marriage to Caleb
...0053- sharing a God-given and sealed covenant with my best friend
...0054- his great sense of humor
...0055- his great communication skills
...0056- his desire to keep me second only to Christ
...0057- his spiritual leadership, humble service and moral compass which directs our family
...0058- his strong example of Fatherly love to our children
...0059- a house full of loved-ones to celebrate Audrey's two years

...0060- every bed in the house filled, Oma and Opa, Margaret and Josh, me and Caleb, Ryan and Beth, her brother, George, their dog Annie, Sage, Avery, McClaine, Audrey, Reecey
...0061- the sound of joy brimming over


...0062- the quiet that comes later
...0063- Bing Crosby's White Christmas and decorating the tree with homemade ornaments
...0064- a love for Christmas Carols that came only after I had children that dance to them
...0065- a new mantra for the week- "Establish my footsteps in Your word. And do not let any iniquity have dominion over me."
...0066- the quiet conviction yesterday at church that Christ alone is sufficient.
...0067- Oma's love for her grandchildren.
...0068- that love baked in Audrey's "Ella the Elephant" Cake

...0069- Audrey leading the festivities by starting out her own birthday song


...0070-watching my niece, Sage, thoroughly devour cake. A girl after her momma' heart (Aunt Beth is a great baker, too).


...0071- birthday tap shoes and dancing kids

...0072- loved ones leave, we spread out and Reece sleeps ALL night.

...0073- a dark morning in the word to start my day and week

...0074- "The unfolding of Your words gives light; it gives understanding to the simple." Ps 119:130

...0075- a heart restored to gratitude.

If you haven't visited Ann's blog, can I please encourage you to do so by clicking on the button at the top of this post? I can assure you that her words will encourage and edify you.


Vashey Fam said...

Such a fun party! Audrey's tap dancing was sooo amazing!! If it's any consolation, Tyne I've been jealous of my brother's sports too. "Quality time" is something I crave with all my family members. I'm really glad you moved here and I get to have that with you now!

Patois said...

Pure glory and loveliness

Anonymous said...

That was a really cool post. I was so nice to able to hang out with all y'all. We all had a great time. Thanks!

LeeAnn said...

Love the honesty of this post... I know that I can only speak for myself but I believe most women have been in the position of silence causing resentment and loneliness with a fear of speaking their feelings. Amen to knowing when Satan is lying!!!!!! And the sweetness of intimacy when we are brought together with honest conversation.

Love you and miss you, Happy 7th Anniversary!

cheryl said...

great post, tyne! i completely relate and have recently had my own heart restored to gratitude as well. my prayer these past two weeks has been, "restore to me the joy of your salvation," as i have struggled in my lack of sleep and bad attitude. but the Lord has been faithful and SO gracious! thanks for sharing, momma! ;)

prashant said...

something I crave with all my family members. I'm really glad you moved here and I get to have that with you now!

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